Dissecting Shit Tests
Date Posted: 2002/12/31 06:12:00 AM EST
Author: Tyler Durden
OK some guys still aren't getting this, so a little bit of review. The term "shit test" is a blanket term for several things that can happen. As far as I know, they all revolve around the chick trying to break her own state (See State Based Shit Tests). I'm not sure if its subconscious or intentional, or if they consciousless try to cause trouble because something on a biological/subconscious level compels them to do so (same way that we're compelled to PU and close chicks).
Some people theorize that its a way of constantly testing the male to see if he's alpha, or something to that effect. Anyway, the point is that the ONLY ways to pass a shit test are to PREVENT her from breaking her own state.
During the course of the pickup and relationship, the chick will try to RESIST by intentionally breaking HER OWN STATE. It's almost hard to believe that they even enjoy sex as much as us, when they do shit like this.. But really, they just don't want to get sexed by losers, so I don't blame them. OK, so all ways to pass a shit test revolve around the same thing: PREVENTING THE CHICK FROM BREAKING HER OWN STATE.
When the chicks SHIT TEST you, you can only pass it by preventing them from breaking their own state. They do this shit to me ALL THE TIME. They TRY SO HARD to break their state, so that they can resist your advances.
They'll do shit like:
-"are you a player?"
-"I bet you've done this with hundreds of girls"
-"where were you last night?"
-"is that your pickupline??? do you plan this???" -or- "did you bring that notepad just for this gimmick to PU girls??"
-"you're funny" -or- "you're so confident" (tough to field cause you can't tell if they're serious or possibly questioning your intentions)
-"We're going to have sex" (when chicks go GM on you, ANY variation.. "you're hot" etc)
-"We're NOT going to have sex"
-"What do you do for a living?"
-"How old are you?"
-"You're too young"
-"What's your sign?"
-"What are you taking at school?"
-"Don't blame the dog/kid/whatever"
-"blah blah blah" (chick talks TOO MUCH, and you are supplicating by listening)
Alright, so let's break these down..
Some of these I remember learning from CPowles and others:
ST: "are you a pleyer"
WHY: She's trying to make you EXPLAIN yourself, which she KNOWS will aggrevate
her - as ALL logical answers do - so she can put up more LMR.
A1: "don't hate the player, hate the game"
A2: "what is it about players that turn you on so much?"
A3: "yeah, I play sport"
A4: "players play with people's emotions and isn't genuine" (turn it around on
her so that she's accusing you of faking your whole interaction, to make her
EFFECT: A1 is funny, gets her laughing and breaks upset state. A2 is cocky and turns her on. A3 highlights the stupidity of the question. A4 puts down the problems of the chick who is maybe really shy, and is seriously scared
(librians archetypes, etc)
ST: "I bet you've done this with hundreds of girls"
WHY: Same reason as above.
A: "I've done it with thousands"
EFFECT: Shows cockiness, turns her on more. Shows her that you won't bend to her shit tests.
ST: "where were you last night?"
WHY: She is trying to work
A1: "I stayed at home thinking about you.. But then I got bored and hired 10 strippers"
A2: "chillin' with your sister"
EFFECT: A1 is a BEAUTIFUL way of fielding shit tests. It plays her emotions, because what it does is gives her the answer she WANTS which calms her down, and a COCKY/FUNNY answer to make her get turned on and laughing BEFORE she can realize that what you were saying was bullshit. A2 shows her you won't take her shit, C&F, turns her on.
ST: "is that your pickupline??? do you plan this???" -or- "did you bring that notepad just for this gimmick to PU girls??"
WHY: She is trying to block you from picking her up, testing your wit.
A: "yeah, and I even planned to meet a girl with (x-neg that was said EARLIER on in the sarge) (yeah, I even planned to meet a powerpuff girl tonight / yeah, I even planned to meet a girl with stuff in her teeth tonight / yeah I even planned to meet a girl with cute bunny rabbit teeth tonight / yeah I even planned to meet a girl with lint on her shirt tonight.... etc etc etc WHICHEVER neg you used)
EFFECT: Shows her that you're smarter than her, and makes her question look ridiculous.
ST: "you're funny" -or- "you're so confident"
WHY: This is TOUGH to field because you can't tell if its serious or not. Just field it as a shit test because it cracks her up either way with your C&Fness.
A: "what is it about funny guys that turns you on so much?"
EFFECT: C&F, shows you're alpha.. funny line.. funny guys are smart.
ST: "we're going to have sex" or "you're hot"
WHY: When chicks go GM its because they are hyper-obnoxious attention whores.
A: "respect" (said slyly, CPowles classic)
EFFECT: Show that you're not the type to get all desperate and takes the compliments seriously. ALSO, show that you don't get UPSET by the comments either. It shows complete disregard to her obnoxiousness, and is FUNNY (not insulting) at the same time.
ST: "we're not going to have sex tonight"
WHY: She may want it to "just happen" and is feeling too much like its an obvious pickup that would make her slutiness obvious. She is also testing to see your reaction, do you want her ONLY for sex, etc.. She's also trying to break her own state, as in ALL shit tests.
A: "who said anything about sex? mmmmmmmmmm... guess you've got something on your mind "
EFFECT: Shows you're funny, and RELAXED... also cocky therefore masculine.
ST: "I'm fat"
WHY: Testing to see if you're a beta pacifier type lame-ass.
A1: "You're enormous"
A2: "mmmmmm... more cushion for the pushin'"
A3: "J-Lo is in the house" (for "my ass is fat")
A4: "You're cuddly like winnie the pooh... ooooooo" (grab her, tickle her)
A5: "Look out Rosie!" (rosie o'donnel)
EFFECT: Highlights the ridiculousness of her comments, shows that you don't supplicate, cocky therefore alpha.
ST: "What do you do for a living?"
WHY: She is demonstrating that she can SCREEN or QUALIFY you.
A1: "I clone humans"
A2: "I produce (x-trait of hers) fetish porn.. I'm looking for new actresses" (break into Kooper C&F frames, and pretend that you're a pimp and she's your latest girl)
A3: "Guess" (HOOP THEORY, make her jump through the hoop first before you tell her)
EFFECT: Demonstrates to her that you will NOT be screened. Demonstrates alphaness, because it subtley says "I'm here to sex you, not support you, so it doesn't matter"
ST: "How old are you?"
WHY: She is qualifying you.
A1: "Guess" (hoop theory, and my answer of choice because age is SOMEWHAT important sometimes)
A2: x-ridiculous age
EFFECT: Shows her that you will not be qualified, or are so confident that even if you ignore her stupid qualifications, you're confident that you'll fuck her anyway.
ST: "You're too young"
WHY: Trying to qualify you, trying to push you back, trying to break her own state.
A1: "yeah.. I know.. I crawled out of my crib, stole my big brother's ID, and snuck in here.. does anyone have any diapers??????" (look around FRANTICALLY)
A2: "don't worry.. like.. I won't hold it against you.. I'm not like that" (said with sympathy)
EFFECT: Makes her laugh, prevents her from putting up resistant emotions.
ST: "What's your sign"
WHY: Qualifying you based on ARBITRARY RIDICULOUS shit.
A1: "Guess" (HOOP THEORY)
EFFECT: Shows her that you will play her game, but she has to play yours as well. You're still equals, and you'll screen her based on her GUESSING abilities, guessing an arbitrary thing. 'If you will screen me on something arbitrary, I'll do it to you'
ST: "What are you taking at school?"
WHY: Possibly screening you for income
A1: "Cotton blending.. mmm.. this shirt looks like 85% cotton" (grabbing her shirt, stroking her playfully)
A2: "human cloning"
A3: "OK, seriously, you can't tell this to ANYONE.. promise??? ok, seriously??
OK, I know this sounds weird, but I'm actually taking courses on how to shoot porn" .. wait for her to think you're serious, and start laughing at her.. Good only for HB9+ usually.
EFFECT: A1 is playful and fun.. A2&3 show her that you will not be qualified.
ST: "Don't blame the dog/kid/whatever" (assuming you DID fuckup, and ACTUALLY said something mean.. I'm talking STICKY situations here, where you actually fucked up)
WHY: She is trying to upset herself, because she has de
A: That dog is STUPID!! hahha.. ok you're right" (then KISS her)
EFFECT: Shows her "I am STILL the man, but will admit I fucked up".. At this point, you may have said something so stupid that you can't cover it with C&F, so PROTOCOL is to PUSH further by re-enforcing with alpha statements that are FUNNY, but then admitting she's right.. You kiss her as a REWARD for showing you.
ST: "blah blah blah" (chick talks TOO MUCH, and you are supplicating by listening)
WHY: If you listen, you are her girlfriend.
A: Do you have an off switch.. (mock hit her, then kiss her)
EFFECT: Shows you won't be a drama queen, controls her emotions with first a mock-hit (bring her DOWN) and then a kiss (bring her UP).. Fucks with her emotions, makes you unpredictable, turns her on.
Notice that ALL of these involve the chick subconsiously/consciously trying to BREAK HER OWN STATE. But by pumping her with a DIFFERENT emotion (humour, C&F/alphaness/therfore turning her on, tickling her, kissing her/passion, etc)
you PREVENT her from breaking her own state.
You are DERAILING her screening process, therefore getting into the golden gates.
They always try to prevent themselves from getting laid by you. REVEL in it. Because all shit tests are ACTUALLY OPPORTUNITIES. If you're being tested, its a good sign, because it SHOWS that you have ENGAGED her reproductive screening process.
Do you think that HBs sit around shit testing RANDOM BUMS OFF THE STREET???
NO. They only do it to guys just like YOU. So be HAPPY that they shit test you, because if they didn't, then you are in SERIOUS trouble!
Remember, ANY logical answer shows beta-ness, and therefore will make her MORE upset. Have you ever seen a guy start explaining himself to a chick and have her LIKE it??????? RARELY. Only if its a SERIOUS incident, and EVEN THEN
chicks are so chick-ish that they often don't like it.
Hope that's helpful. Try to keep it in mind.